Go with the flow

As of Wednesday the 28th May I had finished my degree. As of Sunday 22nd June I no longer lived with my best friends in Swansea. As of Monday 14th July 2014 I had officially graduated Swansea University with a BA 2:1 degree in joint honours Ancient History and Egyptology. As of now, for the first time in my life I have no idea what will happen. I've got plans of course, I plan to get a job, save some money, do some  A LOT of travelling and eventually do a PGCE and become a teacher. That's what I hope to do, but I have nothing concrete, nothing sorted. For a control freak, planner, change-aphobe like me (I'm a Virgo, I am SO a Virgo) that is the scariest thing ever...

Ever since I was a little girl, I had a plan and I knew what was going to happen. I was going to spend 7 years in Primary school, then another 7 years in secondary school/sixth form, and then I was going to go to university. That was set in stone for me. I never thought about any of that not happening, I never contemplated the fact that I might not get into university. I worked hard and it was something that I knew was going to happen for me, perhaps my mind changed about which university/degree, but university was always my next step after sixth form. And sixth form was always my next step after secondary school. And now everything is up in the air and I'm anxious and scared and just a tiny bit excited. 

I know what I want. I want to get a job and travel, but for how long? Where will I go? Who will I go with? I want to eventually become a primary school teacher, but where will I do my PGCE? What age will I be when I come to do it? Where will my first teaching job be? Am I even capable of becoming a teacher? And then there's all the will I get married, will I have children questions that I don't even want to think about. I'm a worrier and a planner and this is a really, really scary time for me right now but I'm really trying to relax, to breathe and to do something I'm not sure I've ever done before... to just go with the flow. To welcome the unexpected, to embrace the change and to walk down roads that I don't know exactly where they are going to lead. I've got a plan, a very vague plan and I know where I want to end up and somethings I want/need to do on the way, but this is the perfect opportunity to sit back, relax, and let my life go where it's going to go. I'm scared and I'm excited and I'm going to take you along on this journey with me.

I've decided to fully immerse myself in blogging. I've got time, plenty of time. And I've got loads of ideas and I want somewhere to express how I'm feeling and record my adventures and document my life. It will be nice to have a constant in my life amongst all the changes that are inevitably going to occur. So that's why the blog has undergone a makeover, thanks to the lovely Amy from The Little Koala . 

I'm scared and excited, but I think it's going to be okay. I think it might even be fun!

Blog post title | Queens of the stone age - Go with the flow

I grew up in Swansea

A few months ago whilst reminiscing about our time at university in Swansea, Adam said to me "you were born in Birmingham, but you grew up in Swansea." Whilst mocking him for how corny it sounded (and secretly wishing it had been me that had said it, because it's kind of a cute line) I couldn't help but be mind-blown about how true it was.

When I was 18 I was cripplingly shy, I was reserved, I was a worrier, I was totally dependent on my boyfriend, my parents and my group of friends I had made in school. I was terrified about having to do things on my own, about having to do new things, about being out of my 'comfort zone'. I was petrified of moving away from home, of having to grow up and stand on my own two feet, of having to be brave and strong. I was convinced I was going to fail.

I'm 21 now and I stand before you still shy, still a worrier (somethings just aren't ever going to change) but a completely different person.

I remember the first time I ever visited Swansea, with Adam in July 2010. I remember walking along the sea front all the way to Mumbles and back and falling madly in love with the views and the city. I also remember the sinking feeling in my stomach, the voice in my head screaming that I couldn't do it, that I couldn't be happy here. I remember two weeks into the start of my degree, crying to Adam about how much I hated my life, how much I hated it here and how I was so dangerously close to quitting.

And now I sit here, laughing at how stupid I once was, smiling at the thought of how amazing these past three years have been and with tears welling up in my eyes because its all coming to an end. And that voice inside my head is now screaming "YOU DID IT! YOU FUCKING DID IT! WASN'T THAT FUN?"

I guess I've been on a 'journey'. I'm a different person, a better person. I went to university and I got a degree which I'm so proud of and will be so useful to me when it comes to future career options. But I got so much more than just a degree.  I fell in love with the city of Swansea and with the freedom and independence that came with living on my own. I got a best friend, I got three years worth of fun, happy and unforgettable memories and, perhaps most importantly, I gained a fresh set eyes. Through these eyes I saw everything differently. I saw myself differently, I saw things that were good about me and I stopped being so self-deprecating and because of this I saw my future differently. I realised it didn't have to be as bleak as I'd always envisioned because I was 'too shy/too stupid/too clumsy/too ugly/too bla bla bla' to get anywhere. I realised I had so much to look forward to, I was so lucky to be where I was and have what I had and I was (and still am) very excited about what was to come.

It's finished now. Over. I've officially graduated. I've moved out of Swansea and said tearful goodbye's to the friends I made there. But I will carry these three years with me forever because Adam's right, I did grow up here. I changed and I grew. I had sex for the first time here (TMI? probably, sorry), I made friends that I actually wanted to be around forever, I tackled my depression and anxiety, I learnt that I wouldn't be happy if I wasn't a primary school teacher, I became a vegetarian, I discovered I could actually live on my own (AND BLOODY LOVE IT), I started down the path of health, exercise and fitness and I put in a shit load of hard work and came out with a 2:1 degree.

All that's left to say now I guess is, thank you Swansea. You've changed my life, you've made me happier then I ever thought I could be and, whilst I'm so sad to leave you, you've given me a fresh pair of eyes to look at the future with and I'm not scared anymore. Well, at least not as much.

We're going through changes

So you might have noticed a few changes around here! I'm finally finished with uni and have so much time on my hands now to do what I've been craving the time to do properly for a long, long time... blog! 

New Name

I wanted a fresh start and felt like that would only happen with a new name. The old name was all about me and Adam, and in some ways the old style of blogging seemed to be a sort of online journal about our exploits as a couple, but that's not really I want this to be. I want it to be mine about things that are important to me so I decided to change the name to something that is purely for me.

I'm an ancient history student and I love myths and legends and Pandora's box has always been one of my favourites. I also think it has a really nice ring to it although I didn't want to just steal the name Pandora's box and so switched the box for 'fox'. When I was about 11 and into doing quizzes all the time in my magazines like What Saved by the Bell character are you? and Who is your perfect celebrity boyfriend? (Jessie and Ben from A1.. is it sad that I remember the answers!?) I did a ‘What animal are you?’ and got the answer fox and I just loved that. The description and reasoning for why I was a fox was just so spot on and (as stupid as this sounds) because I was so young it kind of stuck and ten years later I still feel like a little I’m a secret fox. So there’s my new name. I hope you like it!

New design

Every time I looked at my blog I would cry. Not literally, but it made me feel so depressed and uninspired. I had an image in my head of how I wanted it to look but I had no idea how to make it look anything like my dream layout. That’s where Amy came in (massively) handy, with her beautiful ideas, brilliant skills and affordable prices she created exactly what I was after and I’m so so happy with the final result! If anyone is thinking of getting their blog redesigned or any aspects designed then I would really, really recommend Amy. She was so easy and friendly to work with and really listened to my ideas and incorporated most things I asked for into the design. And she created something I’m really happy with. 

What to expect

I guess I'd describe it as a travel and lifestyle blog but I'm going to be blogging about everything, from fashion to beauty to book reviews... I love writing and I'm now so committed to blogging because it's just so much fun that I will be taking myself off to my bedroom, grabbing my laptop and typing away about everything that interests me.